His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My balls are so social today.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
