just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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