grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
