Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
