so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
