physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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