you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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