he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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