I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
