Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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