You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
