Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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