You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
