Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
