Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
