I'm so fucking centered right now
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
