Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
