oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
