i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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