new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
