If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
