Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
