Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
