I just threw up on my dentist
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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