I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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