Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just invented taco cereal.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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