I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
