He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
