These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
