This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
