Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
