I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
