You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
