My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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