OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you guys were way drunker than both of me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
