Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When are your genitals available?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
