Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What drink are we having for lunch?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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