i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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