He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
