i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
