I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I can text with my tongue
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
