Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
