Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
