this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
bring money and cleavage
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
