it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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