then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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