I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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