he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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