Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
