Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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