so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
