ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
