He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Two words: nipple clamps
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