I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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