In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
