we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
