Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This baby is an asshole
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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