the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
