i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
