I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
