Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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