Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
