explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
