he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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