JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
