don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
